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Yes, I know this one is fucking long, but please, bear with me on this one.

Before you say anything, this is not a post filled with self loathing and a post where I ask you to feel sorry for me. I don’t ask for your pity or words, either you mean it or you say it to make yourself feel better(there are some that do this). What I’m doing, is trying to give you an insight into what the feeling of being useless is. What it does to you, what you feel as you sit there and stare blankly at a book, screen or simply just the wall. How you want to be happy for other’s sucess, but you can’t stop questioning yourself as to why you can’t do the same as they do. People tell you that you’re good at something, either it is what you work with or how you are with other people, but you still don’t feel it. At best you feel mediocre, a person that disappears into the masses. Personally I think it’s one of the worst feelings you can have, because even though we all are individuals and we all are special in one way or another, you still feel that you fade away. Maybe this little insight might help you understand things and maybe help them. Odds are you’ll just read this and ignore it and say “No, this is self loathing”. Maybe it is, but it’s definetely not the intention, so I’ll try to write as scientifically as possible.

A person who feels useless has hit the wall. That’s the easy way to put it. They’ll sit down and see all their failures, not the things they’ve done well. They’ll look back and see how they failed at love, happyness and career, even though he or she was the best boyfriend/girlfriend one could ever ask for or was the Raphael of whatever it is they work with, either it’s being a doctor, carpenter or cleaning toilets. The thing is, that these people won’t be able to see their Sistine Chapel(added the link if you have no idea what I’m talking about, you ignorant shit), they can only see the sketch on the desk that turned out rather shit.

The fact that they’ve hit the wall isn’t necessarily due to that the task at hand is difficult. Usually it’s something different that have caused them to hit the wall. They don’t have to see a shrink to fix it, but it could help. Having someone to talk to and being able to open up to in general would help. Should you feel useless over a prolonged period of time, then I suggest you do this. Either have a friend or family member listen to your moaning or go see a shrink. I can guarantee you that you won’t be the first to go to a shrink with that kind of a problem.

Probably the worst think you can do if you know someone that hit the wall, is try to push them out of the hole. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t help them, but be careful not to be too agressive. If you start rambling on about how they should sort their head together and get working you’re not helping. They know they’ve hit the wall, it’s obvious to them. They know they’re in a hole and they know they’re self loathing and complaining. Telling them this doesn’t help. If you’re gonna help someone punch through the fucking annoying wall, you need to let them make the first punch, but that doesn’t mean you can’t put them in the position and raise their arm.

Here’s a tip that worked for me; If you know that this person has done a great many deal of good things in their life, it be long or short, then have them make a list. Help them write down all the good things they’ve done in their life, even the tiniest little detail, like how they were the fastest at school running the 60 meter, or how they got good grades or whatever. I doubt I’m that much of a sucess, but after 5 minutes my list was pretty long, and I did that on my own. I would bet that if I had someone help me, it would be a lot longer. Then write down the failures. This will probably be the big things, but details may pop up here as well. Odds are that the fail list will be a whole lot shorter than the win list. Now for the little bonus bit. Try to torpedo as many things, if not all things, on the fail list. For instance, I was bullied for a couple of years at school, but how can I be blamed for that? Isn’t it a known fact that the victim is not to blame in such an instance? I took an extension on my master thesis, but I’m not the first and I definetely won’t be the last. And there are plenty of people who never finish it and drop out.

In short, help them see that their failures aren’t that big or uncommon or that they can’t be blamed for it. Some of their failures might not be failures at all.The most important thing however, is to focus on all the good things they’ve done. That they’re not a complete failure.

Maybe this will help you, either you have hit the wall or you know someone that have hit the wall. I know it certainly helped me.

 

 

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