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Archive for November, 2011

I’m an overprotective fucker. Just ask my girlfriend and she’ll tell you(I’m not gonna give out her info, but feel free to ask any amazingly good looking girl you see “Is your boyfriend the dude who writes the blog Midnighttalk?”). I very often act like some sort of body guard over the people I care about, and if you hurt them and I get the chance I will in 30 seconds have come up with a dozen different ways to make you suffer until you pass out from pain. And yes, I have seen a shrink. He considered me healthy.

If I got a daughter I would go into the stereotypical overprotective dad. I would do my best to make the insecure boyfriend she brings home to introduce to her family piss his pants out of pure fear. If it would be done with pure words or with a show and tell or just be silent I don’t know. I guess I would make an assesment right there and then. I most definetely would try to get my hands on ancient torture devices, preferably something that would bring immense pain to his cock. “You see this? This was used to slowly crush a man’s testicles while they wanted him to confess.” If my girlfriend’s dad showed me different torture devices when I was 16 I would probably be a bit scared. At least if he had this evil smile and a bit of a worrying chuckling while he was at it. er

I would constantly worry that my daughter was out with STD infested guys that would do their best to get her drunk and somehow trick her into bed. Odds are I would bribe one of her friends to videotape the entire thing and put up a live feed so that I could intervene when I saw it necessary, which would probably be every 10 minutes. Car would be parked ready to drive out like an ambulance to a crashsite where a busload of Japanese retired people hit a mountainside, of course with different weapons in the back, legal and illegal.

Another good reason is because I would be a very poor man, even if I earned millions every month. Reason; she would know me and know how to wrap me around her middle finger. I have more problems saying no to a girl than to a dude. A girl gotta ask for something big for me to say no. “Can I fuck you violently in the ass with this big strap on while I gag you with a washcloth that you just came in?” “Just use enough lube and warm me up before you push it in. And I hope I can spit out the washcloth if I struggle to breathe and might pass out.” (That would be me saying yes to my girlfriend, not some random fat slag that has “Team Jakob” tattooed on her ugly ass).

And this is pretty much just the top of the ice berg. Odds are I’d get a daughter that would rebel against the intellectual upbringing I’d give her and she’d become shallow and think a macintosh is something useful(i.e. a complete and utter idiot).

Which is why I’d want a son. He’d be bossed around to do all the crappy stuff I don’t want to do, like taking out the trash and mow the lawn and all that. And when he interrupts me when I’m reading the sportspages and goes “Dad, can I have a new pair of jeans? The ones I have are almost falling off.” “Come back when they’re falling off. Now go mow the lawn. The grass has grown 5 milimeters since you cut it last.” That and I’d have someone to beat in gaming. That and I probably wouldn’t worry as much when he goes out. If he gets hurt then that’s another lesson learnt and if he does it again then he’s obviously just stupid.

So please, God. Give me a couple of sons to bully. I’ll be a good dad(at least my definition of a good dad).

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Yes, twatlight/cuntlight/fucklight/someone-please-shoot-stephanie-meyerlight is back. You can take your pick on what you wanna call it, but all of the above are true and we know it.

For weeks I have been dreading going to my university. It’s not because I’m being bullied or that there’s asbestos or other poisionous materials in the buildings, but it’s because at the bus terminal there are huge posters of edtwat cuntum and bella. The stuff seriously scares me, and I have been on a small edge of a steep cliff that had a 20 meter drop down on some really nasty looking stones while clinging on to a some grass that probably would have snapped if I’d slipped. In short, I have been on the edge of death and it was still not as scary as having to look at the posters at the bus terminal.

I have a question for you; what do you do if you have Bella, or Bucket because she has the personality and carisma of a bucket full of donkey shit mixed with chemical waste, and edtwat cuntum in the same room and you have a gun with only one bullet? Simple; you shoot the cunt(that’s edtwat cuntum, easy to confuse since they’re both cunts), rip off his arm and beat Bucket to death with it. Don’t try to beat her soul out, because if you’ve seen 10 minutes of the movies it’s obvious she has no soul.

I’m still wondering on whether I should actually suffer through these last two money milkers of a movie, or if I should just wait until I can acuire it in a way that won’t cost me the ticket to the movie(I’m not mentioning anything illegal. I could go rent it, so plausible deniability). However I do believe that going to watch it and be a complete and utter arsehole during the movie, like booing whenever bucket shows her very punchable face(normally I wouldn’t hit a woman, but since she acts like a bucket of donkey shit mixed with chemical waste I think I could get off with it being described as littering) or constantly repeat what edtwat says in the most gay voice that is possible to imagine, would be worth the money. Maybe I should pick up my phone and make a call in the middle of the movie. There are some great ideas coming to me right now.

However, I still think that despite the entertainment value of sitting in a cinema and enjoying ruining the experience for all the twatlight hardcore fans, these movies should be outlawed all over the world. Not because of censorship, I’m against that, but because it’s fraud. They say it’s a movie, but there’s not a single SENSIBLE(which rules out all the twatlight fans) person in the world who would call that shit entertainment. I feel for all the dudes that have been dragged to the movies by their girlfriends. If they are to ever make up for that it’s sex three times a day, every day for one year for every film.

The people behind the “movies” and everyone working with it(yes, Stephanie Meyer, that includes you you destructive evil cunt) should be jailed, put on water and bread for 2 months(apparantly it fucks up your digestive system). Then they should be tortured in every possible and impossible way and only be let off when the finally renounce their false god and apologise for producing such crap. Then they should be taken to a public place and then be beheaded, preferrably with a dull fruit knife. Afterwards their heads should be put on stakes and placed on different places around the world and their bodies left to rot in what could be a public toilet.

Because twatlight haven’t just ruined many people’s lives and probably mental health, but it has also ruined the entire vampire genre. If you asked my parent’s generation, they’d tell you that vampires are Bram Stoker’s Dracula and so forth. Proper bad ass vampires who sneaks in and sucks the blood out of women, just to be pure assholes. Ask my generation(the one in their mid 20’s and 30’s) and we’ll tell you about the badass Blade and all the vampires there, who again drinks blood from humans and treats them like nothing more than a source of food and amusement.

Now ask the teens of today what a vampire movie is, and they’ll tell you twatlight. Some of them might be sensible and give you the Underworld series, but odds are that you get twatlight. So we go from creepy as hell to asswhopping creepy cunts to sparkling in the sun. If you don’t believe me then google Bram Stoker’s Dracula, then Blade and then twatlight. You’ll see it’s like that evolution map where man goes from monkey to man to the computer geek, only this will be with the man standing upright first, next is him holding a sword and the last will be him sparkly driving a Prius to his sports gymnastic training. Somewhere something went horribly wrong, and someone should pay!

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