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Archive for August, 2011

I like Wednesdays. They are like the no man’s land of the week. You’re not trying to forget all the drunken shit you did in the weekend, like you do on Monday and Tuesday, and neither do you prepare for the following weekend’s drunken shit, like you do Thursday and Friday. Wednesday is the neutral day of the week. So there are a couple of things I like doing on a Wednesday.

1 – Oversleep. Nothing is more fun than waking up, looking at the clock and then realise you’ve got 10 minutes before you need to get out of the house and start heading to the bus stop. And since you’re in a pretty rotten shape you know that taking a shower and then run is out of the question. As you half awake stumble through the room and find your clothes on your way to the bathroom and get dressed while doing your morning business, you suddenly find yourself with socks on your hands and what you thought was your dark sunglasses turned out to be your trousers over your head. Wallet and keys have been moved around by the evil house gnomes that move shit around while you’re sleeping and panick strikes as you hurry out the door.

2 – The bus. As you walk to the bus stop you constantly check the time in fear of that the busdriver has gotten an epiphany and found out that the timetable is something he should try to follow, it’s not just some random timestamps that they cooked up at 2 AM during the Christmas party(although when I look at some of the timetables here they might as well be). Ignoring the rain and the shoelaces you didn’t have time to tie before you headed out the front door(and probably forgot to lock, but too late to do something about that now) you finally reach the bus stop. To your relief you see plenty of miserable people standing there waiting for the same bus as you, although you almost start laughing before realising that you are one of those miserable people as well. On the bus you sit down on an available seat with plenty of leg space and relax. Feeling optimistic you think that it can only go upwards from here. That’s when the almighty God puts on an evil smirk and goes “Oh yeah? Fucking watch this, you wanker”. As you sit in your own thoughts and admire the amount of space you have you see the fattest woman in the area have decided to take the bus at the same time as you. Not only can you imagine the axels of the bus starting to bend as she steps on, but of course she decides to sit down next to you, completely altering any notion you had of both time and space, especially space. As a final cruel joke from God you feel a strange odor coming from Shamu’s stand in. You’re not sure if it can be defined as perfume, but the word “fume” fits perfectly with the smell that’s creeping up in your nostrils and starting to torture your nerves. I doubt any of us mind that a person has put on perfume or cologne to mask their own BO, but when a person who’s Indian name would be “Sitting Whale” is more or less drenched in something smelly that reeks so bad that you have to spend what feels like the 15 longest minutes of your life breathing through your jacket, you wish you had no such thing as a sense of smell.

This is just two of the many things that makes me looooooove Wednesdays. I hope I never see a fucking Wednesday again. Or a Monday.

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Yes, I know this one is fucking long, but please, bear with me on this one.

Before you say anything, this is not a post filled with self loathing and a post where I ask you to feel sorry for me. I don’t ask for your pity or words, either you mean it or you say it to make yourself feel better(there are some that do this). What I’m doing, is trying to give you an insight into what the feeling of being useless is. What it does to you, what you feel as you sit there and stare blankly at a book, screen or simply just the wall. How you want to be happy for other’s sucess, but you can’t stop questioning yourself as to why you can’t do the same as they do. People tell you that you’re good at something, either it is what you work with or how you are with other people, but you still don’t feel it. At best you feel mediocre, a person that disappears into the masses. Personally I think it’s one of the worst feelings you can have, because even though we all are individuals and we all are special in one way or another, you still feel that you fade away. Maybe this little insight might help you understand things and maybe help them. Odds are you’ll just read this and ignore it and say “No, this is self loathing”. Maybe it is, but it’s definetely not the intention, so I’ll try to write as scientifically as possible.

A person who feels useless has hit the wall. That’s the easy way to put it. They’ll sit down and see all their failures, not the things they’ve done well. They’ll look back and see how they failed at love, happyness and career, even though he or she was the best boyfriend/girlfriend one could ever ask for or was the Raphael of whatever it is they work with, either it’s being a doctor, carpenter or cleaning toilets. The thing is, that these people won’t be able to see their Sistine Chapel(added the link if you have no idea what I’m talking about, you ignorant shit), they can only see the sketch on the desk that turned out rather shit.

The fact that they’ve hit the wall isn’t necessarily due to that the task at hand is difficult. Usually it’s something different that have caused them to hit the wall. They don’t have to see a shrink to fix it, but it could help. Having someone to talk to and being able to open up to in general would help. Should you feel useless over a prolonged period of time, then I suggest you do this. Either have a friend or family member listen to your moaning or go see a shrink. I can guarantee you that you won’t be the first to go to a shrink with that kind of a problem.

Probably the worst think you can do if you know someone that hit the wall, is try to push them out of the hole. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t help them, but be careful not to be too agressive. If you start rambling on about how they should sort their head together and get working you’re not helping. They know they’ve hit the wall, it’s obvious to them. They know they’re in a hole and they know they’re self loathing and complaining. Telling them this doesn’t help. If you’re gonna help someone punch through the fucking annoying wall, you need to let them make the first punch, but that doesn’t mean you can’t put them in the position and raise their arm.

Here’s a tip that worked for me; If you know that this person has done a great many deal of good things in their life, it be long or short, then have them make a list. Help them write down all the good things they’ve done in their life, even the tiniest little detail, like how they were the fastest at school running the 60 meter, or how they got good grades or whatever. I doubt I’m that much of a sucess, but after 5 minutes my list was pretty long, and I did that on my own. I would bet that if I had someone help me, it would be a lot longer. Then write down the failures. This will probably be the big things, but details may pop up here as well. Odds are that the fail list will be a whole lot shorter than the win list. Now for the little bonus bit. Try to torpedo as many things, if not all things, on the fail list. For instance, I was bullied for a couple of years at school, but how can I be blamed for that? Isn’t it a known fact that the victim is not to blame in such an instance? I took an extension on my master thesis, but I’m not the first and I definetely won’t be the last. And there are plenty of people who never finish it and drop out.

In short, help them see that their failures aren’t that big or uncommon or that they can’t be blamed for it. Some of their failures might not be failures at all.The most important thing however, is to focus on all the good things they’ve done. That they’re not a complete failure.

Maybe this will help you, either you have hit the wall or you know someone that have hit the wall. I know it certainly helped me.

 

 

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